


For the Bold

by fiordilatte



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Jossed, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 14:59:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4105111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiordilatte/pseuds/fiordilatte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eddelrittuo character study vignettes throughout the series.  Sometimes you just have to take matters into your own tiny hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For the Bold

**[Fiery Fusion]**

Vers is the best. Terrans are inferior. War is inevitable, and when Mars descends on Earth, Eddelrittuo sincerely hopes that she will be ready to play her part.

“Don’t mess up when you reload, otherwise your gun will jam and you’ll be useless. Vers doesn’t like useless people.”

“I know,” Eddelrittuo mutters indignantly, loading fresh 9 millimetre cartridges into her magazine. She inserts the magazine into her pistol, hears it click into place, and disengages the safety lock of the gun.

Her classmate, who’s a year older than her and taller to boot, just scoffs at her. “Well you should, because it’s so simple. Your turn, so give it a go,” the other girl says.

They’re running through target practice at the shooting range right now, as part of special training. Eddelrittuo’s not very experienced with handguns, but she knows enough of the basics to get the job done.

She grips the back of the slide and pulls it smoothly to chamber the first cartridge, then she points her gun at the target. Breath control is crucial when handling a firearm, so she makes sure to hold hers as she squeezes the trigger.

Eddelrittuo still has to get used to the recoil, especially since she’s so small, but her aim is accurate and she hits her target dead on. Her wrist hurts but she refuses to flinch - she won’t give her classmate the satisfaction.

They’re part of a military program that enlists children with no families, and gives them an opportunity to serve under the crimson flag of the Vers Empire. Eddelrittuo is bound to this life and there’s no going back. Every day they pledge their allegiance to the Counts and Emperor, and promise to be loyal servants of Vers. They swear on their own lives, because they have nothing else to offer.

Choices are for nobles only, and even then there isn’t much variety. Everything Vers does is for its military gain - which is a fact that they drill into her head every single day. This is the future that was assigned to her.

They told her that the Terrans killed her family, and that they’ll come for her, too, so she’d _better_ be scared and she’d _better_ practice hard. And maybe one day, if she’s good enough, she’ll get to pilot a Kataphrakt and serve under a Count. The best of the best have Aldnoah granted to them, and they go on to become the greatest weapons the Martian military could ever ask for. And isn’t that just what you want to be, Eddelrittuo-with-no-family, Eddelrittuo-with-nothing-to-live-for?

Eddelrittuo shoots countless targets and drags herself through obstacle courses until she sees them in her sleep, loads cartridges into her standard issue pistol and yanks needles from grenades until it’s all about reflex. She practices until her limbs can’t move, until sweat runs in rivulets down her face and her muscles are screaming at her to _please stop, it hurts too much, I'm only ten years old._

It’s been a year of training, but she still can’t imagine putting any of this to use in real combat.

She’s not sure she’ll ever really be able to kill another person and see the life fade out of their eyes, to completely destroy someone and count it off as a victory. Her hands shake when she thinks of all the blood she’ll be ordered to spill one day, of the wet red smears on the pavement and the bodies that will litter the ground as the smell of gunpowder fills her nostrils.

She wants to cry herself to sleep some nights, but she’s always so afraid that one day they’ll find out that she’s weak, and she’ll be done for. She’s fully aware that she’s not the best, and that this life isn’t even what she wants, but she doesn’t have an option. Her aspirations are limited to what she knows. Still, in a sense, it does offer her a form of security, because at least she has a place to call home.

Eddelrittuo shares her sleeping quarters with three other girls, each of them better than her, bigger and stronger, willing to take others down if it means that they can succeed. They’re the kind of soldiers that Vers needs, so she has to constantly stay on her toes just to keep up.

Mars has precious few resources, and nameless infantry like Eddelrittuo will perish if they don’t show their worth.

 

* * *

 

**[Atomic]**

Today they’re getting their practical exams.

If she passes she can move on to become a squire. She’ll have the standard blue Vers military uniform issued to her, and will finally get to be recognized as an official part of the Martian military force. Then it will be another few awful years of desperately climbing through the ranks and jumping through hoops in order to impress a Count and qualify to join the Orbital Knights.

Failure, on the other hand, will be even less pleasant to face. The noble children have it so much easier. Everything is given to them and they don’t even have to try.

No matter. She has one ace up her sleeve. Eddelrittuo is the best driver in her class, and she handles the training humvees with a tenacity that often puts the rest of the students to shame.

She’s fine on the training field today, and makes it through the obstacle course without too much difficulty. The HMMWV drive is a breeze, despite that fact that she’s still small and reaching the pedals takes a bit of effort. She also gets a passing grade for marksmanship, which is definitely a lucky break. So far, so good.

But then comes the Kataphrakt proficiency test. Of course, today’s model doesn’t run on Aldnoah, because they don’t get those rights until Knighthood - and _that_ exam is still a long ways away - but it’s good practice to get a grasp on basic maneuvers. After all, a soldier with a Kat is the only kind of soldier worth talking to.

She can’t do it.

It’s not that she doesn’t understand how to operate the Kat. The controls are burned into muscle memory, and they all feel like a part of her: the smooth plastic, the cold metal, the stiff pedals.  

She takes a deep, shuddering breath, but her nerves are already shot.

It's just a simulation. Just a stupid computer program. None of it is even real. But Eddelrittuo always seems to crack under pressure. She can’t fire fast enough and the mech doesn’t want to listen to her movement commands. If this was a real battle, she’d have been obliterated in seconds.

 _And that’s because,_ she realizes, as she watches the warning signs flash across the holo screen, _I _’_ m just not good enough._

 

-

 

She quakes in her uniform, but stands at attention to salute her drill instructor respectfully.

“Eddelrittuo, correct? Surname?”

“N-No surname, sir,” she stammers. She doesn’t even know what her family name was. “I am a servant of Vers, no more.” It's a standard reply, and one that won’t get her into further trouble.

Eddelrittuo forces herself to relax when she’s told to stand at ease, and lets her hands fall back to her sides, where they flitter anxiously.

Her instructor sounds bored. Inconvenienced, even. “Since you failed, you’ll have to be transferred to another station.”

Even though she expected it, the words hit like bricks anyway.

“I understand, sir,” she says hollowly.

“Effective immediately, you will be put into training as a handmaiden. This is how you will continue to dedicate your life to Vers.”

Eddelrittuo is stricken. That is one of the lowest ranks of all in their hierarchy, and her entire life has been shifted with those few words. She was supposed to be part of the military, meant to be fashioned into a tiny but deadly weapon... but that dream, if she can call it a dream, has died.

There’s no point in fighting it, however. It’s better to hold her tongue and comply instead of getting beaten for speaking out of turn.

“It... It will be an honour.”

 

* * *

 

**[Salsa Verde]**

Eddelrittuo settles into her new duties quite easily. She’s a quick study, but even jumpier than she was before. Her goals have been set a little lower, which is as much of a blow to her pride as it is a strange sort of relief. Some of the pressure is off, but at a cost to her standing in life.

The handmaiden uniform is certainly not military grade, and she has to get used to pulling up her white stockings and wearing a _dress_. They let her grow her hair out these days, but she ties it into thick braids and pins it back so it doesn’t get in her way. Being pretty doesn’t mean a thing.

Eddelrittuo claws her way to the top of her class, acutely aware that failing again will lead to her demise. This is a life that’s more suited to her, though it doesn’t evoke any of the great Versian pride that she was promised.

They took her gun from her, and she’s not allowed to go near a Kataphrakt ever again, not even a sim. Aldnoah is not her privilege to use. She will always be a commoner. A handmaiden is almost as low as a Terran, but her bloodlines are still a little better than dirt.

Eddelrittuo salutes before she remembers that it’s supposed to be a curtsey, now.

 

-

 

“Asseylum-hime?”

“That’s right.”

Her jaw drops open but it takes a while for the words to come out. “I beg your pardon, but I’ve never trained for anything that important! A-And she's royalty, I'm not -”

“Are you saying that you do not wish to serve the Princess?” her new supervisor snaps. “There is no greater honour for a lowly maid such as yourself.”

That’s certainly true, she knows, but she’s scared.

“I will do my best,” Eddelrittuo tells her supervisor, although her legs tremble like jelly and and her heart hammers so hard in her chest that she’s afraid it’ll burst. She can’t quite believe that of all handmaidens, she is considered to be the most suitable caretaker for Asseylum Vers Allusia. Her mind is spinning. Just eight months ago she was training to be a soldier.

“Nothing but the best will be accepted,” is the curt response. “Do not forget that you are expendable. The last one did not fare very well. Though it’s to be expected - he was a Terran.”

Vers is much grander than the cramped quarters she’s grown up in. Everything is red and gold and sprawling with luxuries, and the young girl feels more insignificant with every waking moment.

She has to remind herself to breathe, then knocks timidly on the ornate door to the Princess’ bedchambers.

“You may enter,” Asseylum’s servant tells her, so Eddelrittuo pushes the heavy door open and steps inside.

“It-It’s a pleasure to meet you!” she stammers, knees wobbling as she carefully makes her way across the plush red carpeting to greet the Princess. She bows deeply. “My name is Eddelrittuo.”

She puts on her most animated smile and tries to look confident, standing up as tall and proud as she possibly can. A worthy servant must always have good posture. This is another practical exam, in its own way; she needs to make a good first impression and ensure that Her Highness finds her to be adequate.

Eddelrittuo takes Asseylum’s hands in her own small ones, looks into the bright green eyes of royalty, and tells her earnestly that she will do her very best.

 

-

 

She latches on to the Princess because she represents the freedom that Eddelrittuo cannot have. Asseylum is allowed to speak her mind and be herself, and has almost nothing to worry about. And that's a good thing, it truly is. It's just different.

It’s hard to relate to someone so carefree and untainted, but that makes her all the more precious, the brunette thinks. Asseylum is beautiful, and Eddelrittuo will protect her with her very life.

“What was it like, before you decided to become a handmaiden?”

Eddelrittuo giggles nervously as she recalls the adrenaline rush from shooting targets and running laps, from slamming her feet to the pedals of an armoured vehicle and hearing the rev of a V8 engine. She clearly remembers the constant terror of not being good enough, of not hardening her heart and being able to see things through. And at the end of the tunnel, there was also the suffocating fear of dying nameless and alone.

The brunette subconsciously balls her hands into fists, and bites the inside of her lip so that she won’t burst into tears.  She can’t cry.

Somehow Eddelrittuo doesn’t think Asseylum really wants to talk about Vers’ habit of training child soldiers, so she dons her cheerful face and changes the topic to one about what sort of hairstyle Her Highness might like to try today.

 

* * *

  
**[Collisions]**

She hates him. He’s not worthy. He is just a stupid Terran boy.

She hates how his words about an inferior race captivate Asseylum more than she ever could, and how he pollutes the Princess’ thoughts with fanciful stories about a planet that doesn’t even deserve its resources.

Slaine Troyard is a servant just like Eddelrittuo, so he truly knows the cold reality of Mars. Yet on their visits to Count Cruhteo's landing castle, Slaine paints such vivid pictures for Asseylum and fills her mind with foolish ideas.

Eddelrittuo does not believe that anything could be as beautiful as what Slaine describes (except, of course, Her Highness). Versians are confined to concrete walls and steel frameworks, inorganic man-made structures that have no vibrancy.

Reality is colourless. Lifeless.

She feels the hate ingrained in her, injected, almost; it’s an automatic reflex and she can’t help but want to blame him for everything that goes wrong. Slaine is the only Terran she has ever met, yet somehow he is the worst, too.

Even so, it makes her stomach churn when she overhears Cruhteo disciplining him, and the crack of the whip against his skin is almost enough to make her retch. She never had it that bad, not even when she crashed on the training field and her instructor lashed her until she thought she would die. Her uniform was stained with blood but she still believed that she could be a good soldier if she could just try a little harder.

Eddelrittuo didn’t cry then, and Slaine doesn’t cry now, because they’ve both had time to learn that on Mars, tears aren’t worth the water they’re made of. So they bite back the pain and swallow it whole until it becomes a part of them, then they wordlessly carry on with their duties because that’s what a servant is supposed to do.

It isn’t about being _brave_ , it’s just part of the job. No one tolerates mistakes.

That’s why it’s pathetic to feel sorry for him. She knows it makes her naive - and that one day it will cost her much more than a simple beating.

Being Asseylum’s personal handmaiden does not protect her from as much as most might think. It puts her performance under harsher scrutiny, because she has to constantly prove herself. There are hundreds of other competent handmaidens who could easily replace her.

The Princess is kind and lovely, but she does not understand the cruelties of Versian politics, and Eddelrittuo would prefer to keep it that way. She doesn’t know much more than Asseylum - only that doing a bad job will result in pain and an angry lecture. Martians don’t scar as easily as Terrans, and it’s always been easy to hide the cuts and bruises beneath her uniform, but it hurts just as much so she makes sure to tread lightly.

She was on her way to deliver fresh clothes and towels for the Princess’ bath, but she stops resolutely at Slaine’s crumpled form. His breaths come out in choking gasps, and Eddelrittuo’s conscience twists with a strange mixture of guilt and derision.

Her voice is haughty and her jaw is clenched as she battles her emotions. “You’re strong, for a Terran.” _But it doesn’t mean I have to like you. And it doesn’t mean I should ever pity you._

Edelrittuo hands him one of the towels to wipe up the blood, then stalks off before he has a chance to thank her. His words mean less than nothing.

She wonders why Asseylum does not seem to notice Slaine’s scars, if he is supposed to be her friend. But perhaps it is because in the end, he is no one special.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I had way too much fun with titles, sorry Dorito-san ^^;  
> I basically wrote this to explain Episode 11 to myself. I need to know why this tiny innocent girl can drive a humvee under extreme duress at age 12, and why she willingly volunteers to operate a UFE Kat (yet no action scene??). Unless “handmaiden” is actually Martian code for “hit girl,” in which case… even better! I have 3 more parts drafted (1st Cour, 2nd Cour, post-series), so we’ll see how it goes. She deserves a spotlight :)


End file.
